Cleaning Out Her Closet
by Baron Hausenpheffer
Summary: Songfic based on Cleaning Out My Closet by Eminem. Ranma and Akane are finally getting married, for real this time, and it's more than a certain okonomiyaki chef can bear.


Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 or "Cleaning Out My Closet". They belong to the ever-clever Rumiko Takahashi and Eminem.

Author Note: I thought about putting this with the rest of my rewritten Ranma songs ("Really Random Rhapsodies"), but the extremely dark nature of this fic made me decide against it. Having one depressing piece amidst a pile of comedy would seem odd, to say nothing of inappropriate.

Also, unlike the song-only "RRR", this is a true songfic (albeit with rewritten words). Anyway, hope you enjoy.

* * *

A steady trickle of teardrops dripped onto the stovetop at U-chan's Okonomiyaki, making hissing sounds as they touched the hot cooking surface. The Japanese pizza chef was attempting to make squid okonomiyaki, but the hot streams from her eyes made it unlikely that she could actually see what she was doing. Not that it mattered... she didn't care how the food turned out. Ukyo Kuonji was just trying to do something, anything, that would take her mind off the source of her sorrow. 

That sadness had its origin in the words on a pink invitation lying in pieces on the bar. They were words that Ukyo had always expected, but ones that she hoped would never come:

"Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo cordially invite you to attend their marriage ceremony on December 30 at 2 PM. All guests are encouraged to RSVP."

Ryoga was the one that brought her the invitation. When he first staggered into the door, Ukyo thought that he had been hit by a truck. Despite Ryoga's long history of rough tussles with Ranma, she had never seen the lost boy look worse. Her first instinct was to call him a doctor, but the unbelievably heavy aura the boy radiated was a tell-tale sign of misery, not injury. It took several minutes for her to weasel the story out of him, but Ryoga finally handed her the card and informed her of the terrible news.

The gravity of the situation didn't immediately sink in; her first thought was merely sympathy for the directionless fighter. She knew how much Ryoga loved Akane, and how much of a blow this must be to him. Suddenly, the impact of the situation on **her** life and future hit Ukyo like a load of bricks. She had run out of chances. All of her plans, all of her charms, all of her bending over backwards to please Ranma had come to nothing. The man who she had given her heart to was going to marry another woman tomorrow, and there wasn't a damned thing she could do about it.

------------------------

_Have you ever been treated like you don't exist?  
__I have; spurned by the guy that I can't resist  
__I guess I should've moved on cuz all my hope is gone  
__He'll marry Akane tomorrow, I lost and she won  
__Despite my devotion, their emotions got deep as the ocean  
__And their parents are telling them, "Don't stop, kids; keep going!"  
__I said I'd never give up; no, not as long as I'm breathing  
__But I feel so betrayed, now my anger is seething  
__To have waited so long, only to become yesterday's trash  
__"The cute fiancee", huh? You can just kiss my ass  
__Look at me now; you didn't care about me at all, did ya Ranma?  
__I was a fool; I feel ridiculous now _

_I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But why'd you have to make me cry? Yeah, tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)  
__I said I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But why'd you have to make me cry? Yeah, tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet _

------------------------

That night, Ukyo decided to leave Furinkan. True, it would be a real hassle to set up shop elsewhere, but at this point... she didn't care. Although she had lived there for months in relative happiness, the suburb now had nothing to offer Ukyo Kuonji but pain. Memories of good times gone forever, the gut-wrenching reality of the present, and the hopelessness of the future... she couldn't stay there.

She closed the shop early in order to get her things packed. Whatever it took, she didn't want to be there tomorrow morning. She couldn't face Ranma, especially not on the day of his wedding. Ukyo knew that the last vestiges of her tattered pride would dissipate in an eruption of anger and pain the moment she saw him. There was no need to make a scene... she would leave quietly.

By nine o'clock, Ukyo had all of her portable kitchenware boxed and ready to go; she could send a moving crew to pick up the heavier items in the morning. The only thing left to pack, the brunette realized, was her meager stock of personal items. Staggering wearily into her room, she cast a brief glance at her wall mirror. Staring back at her was a haggard, miserable-looking girl with eyes red from crying.

"Damn... I look like hell," she off-handedly remarked.

Never one to linger in front of the mirror, Ukyo gave a weak shrug and began collecting her belongings. Soon, the dressers were cleared and only her closet remained. As the teenaged chef opened the door, took clothes off their hangers, and placed them into the bag, she tried to comfort herself as best she could.

"Ah, everything will work out better this way," she sniffed, managing a slight smile. "After all, I've always known my chances of bagging Ranma-honey were pretty slim. He loves Akane; I just have to accept it, that's all. As for me, I'm free as a bird."

By now Ukyo had managed to elevate her spirits somewhat. As she began rummaging through the bottom half of the closet, she said, "So what if Ranma was a flop? I don't need that wishy-washy jerk. After all, pigtailed knights in shining armor are seriously overra--"

The okonomiyaki chef's words caught in her throat as her roving hands uncovered a framed photo. It was a picture of Ranma and her on their only true date. Ranma was in his usual Chinese gear, and Ukyo sported a royal-blue dress with a large pink ribbon. She remembered that day well; at the time, she was trying to look more feminine in an attempt to pique Ranma's interest. The plan itself failed, but afterwards Ranma had dropped by the restaurant to compliment her on her cooking and tell her how cute she looked.

Hot tears welled up in Ukyo's eyes, eyes the pretty girl thought had run dry, as she once again sank into the depths of despair. The feeling of resigned acceptance she had felt only moments before quickly melted into inexpressable anguish, hatred, and frustration.

"_It **isn't** all right... Nothing will ever be all right again..._" she thought, her powerful grip starting to crack the glass frame.

"**Damn you, Ranma!**" she roared. She hurled the picture across the room with incredible violence, causing it to shatter on impact and leave a substantial hole in the wall. Ukyo sank to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. After lying there for several minutes, she lifted her head and stared blankly into her closet. Whether she was trying to collect her thoughts or merely staring into space, her eyes happened to light on the butt of a pistol.

The "cute fiancee"'s eyes widened, and she slowly crept forward and picked the weapon up. Upon seeing it, she _did_ remember putting it there. Being a young, single girl living in the same building as her business (and thus her cash register), Ukyo realized that she could be a likely target for thieves... or worse. She had bought the firearm as "extra insurance" in the event of a break-in; so far, it had never been fired. Now, however, Miss Kuonji's feverish brain had a very different use for the gun in mind than self-protection.

With nary a word or sound, she slowly raised the gun and placed the muzzle below her chin.

------------------------

_Ha! I've got some skeletons in my closet  
__Although no one probably knows it  
__So before I crawl inside my coffin and close it  
__I'ma expose it; I'll take you back to when I was a kid  
__Back before you even knew what our dumb fathers did  
__I was so happy, I looked forward to being your wife  
__But your faggot father musta wanted me out of his life  
__'Cause he split, I wondered why you left me behind  
__Then again, on second thought I simply wished you would die!  
__I know now that you didn't mean to leave my side  
__That's why I kept hoping, and God knows I tried  
__To make you love me the way I loved you  
__But I made a mistake  
__I was wrong; I'm woman enough to face that today  
__Man, I was so stupid, no doubt I was dumb  
__But the smartest thing I've done is loading bullets into this gun  
__Sorry 'bout this Ran-chan, I really hope your wedding is beautiful  
__But I can't make it; all I request is that you be at my funeral _

_I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But why'd you have to make me cry? Yeah, tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)  
__I said I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But why'd you have to make me cry? Yeah, tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet _

------------------------

Although tears flowed like streams down her face, Ukyo managed a smile. It would all be over in a few moments. She placed her index finger above the trigger and tightened her sweaty grip on the handle.

"_This... this is for the best_," she thought, closing her eyes and putting a slight pressure on the trigger. "_I won't have to live with this pain any longer, and Ranma-honey can get on with his life with Akane. They'll get married, and..._"

Ukyo inexplicably began to relax her grip on the trigger, letting her index finger sit idly atop it. In a voice barely above a whisper, she said, "They'll carry on the dojo, have kids, and grow old together. All the things... that **I'll... never... have.**"

Something between a scowl and a blank stare crossed the girl's face, and she lowered the gun. Firearm still in hand, she stood up and walked shakily toward the telephone.

---

"Brrr... Damn, it's cold..." Ranma muttered, rubbing his hands together.

The groom-to-be was standing alone under a streetlamp near Furinkan's infamous vacant lot. It was nearly midnight and a light snow was falling; not weather Ranma was particularly fond of venturing out into. He made an exception this time, however, for her. Of all of his fiancees, only Akane was dearer to Ranma than Ukyo. Even if they were "just buddies", the spatula-wielding warrior had always been a true friend to him. He knew that she would take this final rejection pretty hard, which is why events earlier that night worried him.

She had called the Tendo home about twenty minutes ago, sounding not at all like herself. In a detached, almost monotone voice, she had asked to meet Ranma in the vacant lot as soon as possible. Because of the late hour, he tried to protest, but her next few words silenced his complaints:

"Do me this one last favor, Ran-chan. I'll never ask you for another as long as I live."

So here he was, shivering in his light jacket and holding an umbrella to keep the snow off. Ranma gritted his teeth and muttered, "Darn it... where is she? I'm all for helping U-chan out, but I gotta get married tomorrow!"

Just then, the sound of crunching snow reached the pigtailed boy's ears. Turning around, Ranma saw his old friend standing a few feet away from him, her warm breath visible under the light.

"U-chan..." he whispered softly. He could tell from the scarlet rings around her eyes that she had been crying, but otherwise her expression was 100 percent happy. Something didn't seem right...

"Ukyo, are you okay?" he asked. "What's the problem? Why did you need to see me?"

"Oh... I just wanted to tell you something," she replied, "and also to give you your wedding gift. Is that okay?"

Ranma sighed and scratched his head. He thought, "_Geez, was that all? Couldn't this wait until tomorrow? I swear, I'll never understand girls, no matter how long I am one half the time... Well, at least she seems to be taking the whole wedding thing pretty well. What the hey; I'll humor her._"

"Sure, Ukyo, that'd be fine," he replied, smiling kindly. "So, what's on your mind?"

The pizza chef glanced at the vacant lot to her left and said, "Let's go in there, and then I'll tell you."

Ranma rolled his eyes and shrugged, but followed her inside. Giving her a look filled with impatience and a tinge of sarcasm, he asked, "Well, can you tell me now?"

Ukyo nodded and, drawing closer, began to speak. She began, "Ranma, I wanted to congratulate you on your wedding. I've sort of seen it coming for a while now. I think you know how I feel about it... and her... but the more power to you."

Narrowing her eyes, she continued, "But I also want you to know that I don't appreciate being strung along, bucko. Contrary to what you seem to think, my heart ain't your plaything. God, Saotome... I would have died for you, and now you just... you... never mind."

As his former fiancee dried her eyes, Ranma held his peace; for once, his "foot-in-mouth" disease wasn't acting up. Even if it had been, he wouldn't have known what to say. The old song wasn't just blowing smoke: "breaking up is hard to do."

After taking a deep breath, Ukyo reached into her handbag, whispering, "And now it's time for your wedding gift..."

To Ranma's immense shock, she pulled a pistol with a silencer attached out of her purse and leveled it at him. The faint light of the streetlamp glinted ominously off both the tip of the gun and Ukyo's angry, perhaps mad, green eyes.

Barely able to get the words out, he choked, "U-Ukyo? What the h-hell are you..."

Although tears dripped down Ukyo's face, she didn't flinch in the slightest. In a hoarse voice, she replied, "I'm sorry Ranma... but you never should have made me cry."

The sound of a muffled gunshot rang out in the night, followed by deafening silence.

------------------------

_Now, you know I would never shoot you Ranma just to get recognition  
__But something snapped inside when I pictured you two dressed up and kissin'  
__Honey, put yourself in my position; just try to envision  
__Day in and day out, cooking okonomiyaki in the kitchen  
__Praying that the one you loved would pop in and start saying  
__How much he cares about you, that he can't live without you  
__My whole life I was treated like your "old girlfriend" that wasn't  
__But I just grew up, then I blew up; it makes you sick to your stomach  
__Doesn't it? Wasn't it the reason you always flattered me, HUH?  
__But you never could justify how you treated me, HUH?  
__But guess what? Now that you're dead, you'll know what it means to be lonely  
__Too bad Akane never grew old with you just to find out you're phony  
__You're getting colder as your blood congeals; almost done with my toil  
__Then I can bury my past and you under this soil  
__See, what hurts me the most is you won't admit you were wrong  
__Stringin' me along - this is the bitter end to our song  
__But how dare you give Akane what to me you denied?  
__You selfish bastard; I hope in Hell you'll be tortured and fried!  
__When you killed our love, Ranma, you almost killed me  
__But now **you're** dead, just as dead as can be! _

_I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But you never should have made me cry; tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)  
__I said I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But you never should have made me cry; tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet _

------------------------

The sound of dirt clods hitting the ground was barely audible through the sharp wind. Ukyo had nearly finished digging the hole that would serve as final resting place to her one-time fiance.

Crawling out of the hole, she looked down on his lifeless body in disgust. She grabbed the corpse, now growing stiff, by the shoulders and whispered, "In the hole you go, Ran-chan. Burn in hell."

With a hard shove, the body tumbled into the pit. As she stared at her handiwork, the okonomiyaki cook felt a shiver run from her head to her toes. It _wasn't _from the cold.

"Just gotta bury him... and that will be all," she breathed.

Just as she was about to dump the first shovelfull of dirt, however, something lying atop the body caught her eye. Jarred slightly outside Ranma's pocket by the fall was a single white rose. Ukyo dropped the shovel as both hands clapped to her mouth. Through the haze of madness that had enveloped her, old memories of happier times began flooding through. In particular, the memory of her last birthday came to mind... when she had received a white rose from the man now growing cold in the ground. She had told him at the time that it was the sweetest gift anyone had ever given her.

"Oh, my god... what have I done?" she choked, burying her face in her hands. Wordlessly, she stepped inside the grave and wrapped her arms around the body of her lost lover. Although the snow began to fall harder, Ukyo didn't move an inch. She merely embraced the symbol of what could have been, what _should_ have been, but would never be.

"Ranma... I'm so, so sorry..."

---

When the next morning came and Ranma still hadn't returned home, the Tendos called the police. It didn't take long for Nerima's finest to find the object of their search. The first officer to arrive on the scene frowned, gave a sad sigh, and shook his head at the sight. He had heard that the poor kid was going to be married tomorrow; he didn't want to be there when they told his fiancee the terrible news.The officer gently covered the two bodies. The crime scene people would be here soon, and they could handle the rest.

If he ever lived to be 100, the policeman thought, he wouldnever forget this morning. So surreal... Two young people dead, their bodies blue and covered with frost. The woman's tears had frozen to her face, and she held the man tightly, as if she were afraid he would leave if she let go. They lay there, in an eternal embrace, a white rose frozen between them. Such an awful, awful waste...

------------------------

_I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But you never should have made me cry; tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)  
__I said I'm sorry, Ranma!  
__I never meant to hurt you!  
__But you never should have made me cry; tonight  
__I'm cleaning out my closet _

THE END  
---------------------------------------

Finis. This was my first attempt at a truly dark story.Tragedy hasn't traditionally been my strong area, so I hope I've handled it well. Please let me know with a review, okay?


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